


Rejects

by whymarvelwhy (orphan_account)



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Anxiety Disorder, Be gentle, Cutting, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, F/M, Self-Harm, dont really know what to tag.., first fic ever
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-02
Updated: 2016-11-02
Packaged: 2018-08-28 15:30:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8451808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/whymarvelwhy
Summary: You are on a 5 sos concert, after you get asked to join the boys up on stage things happens..first fic ever, I wrote this last spring when I was on a sick-leave to battle my own eating disorder... Its not done yet, hope someone will like it..





	1. Chapter 1

You were standing in the front row, jumping as your favourite band played their songs. You were standing a little to the right, so in front of you were Michael, you watched him jump up and down while he was playing his guitar and screamed the chorus.

_What was I thinking,_  
_Everyone sees it,_  
_It ‘s not a secret that I’m just a reject…_

They were jumping and the beat vibrated through your body, like a second heartbeat. You screamed along with the lyrics, after Michael has played his solo, when they pause the music and starts looking out over the crowd. The fans are chanting their names and screaming at the top of their lungs, you can see how they are looking for someone to take up on stage. They always do this; they choose a fan and take him or her up on the stage. You have seen the videos, and it would be like living the dream, to be picked out and brought up on stage. But the chances for you to be picked is like one in a million, so you stay quiet and keep looking up on Michael and the boys. Waiting for them to pick a lucky fan who gets to live that dream.

“What about her?” Michael says into the microphone.

“Which one?” Luke answers,

“The one with the messy bun and a Iron Man hoodie.” Michael says pointing into the crowd. You look around to se whom the lucky girl is, when you see everyone’s eyes looking at you. You look down on yourself; you were in fact wearing your Iron Man hoodie, _wait, what? Did they choose me?_ You look up and lock eyes with Michael,

“Come on up, babe” he says and you start to move forward, towards the fence separating you from each other. You look at the fence in front of you, it’s about the same height as your waist, but since your not the most limber person in the world, it could have been two meters high, it wouldn’t have made any difference.

You spot a security guard coming towards you, oh shit, You can feel the blush aiming for your cheeks, you feel hot, almost too hot, like your skin is on fire.

“Do you need a hand?” You hear someone behind you ask; You turn around and see a couple of girls looking at you with friendly eyes.

“Well actually, I am as limber as a hippo, I can’t get over the fence…” You hear yourself say, cheeks on fire. The girls smile and lift you up to push you over the fence. You clumsily fall down on the other side, the security guard throws his arms out to catch you but is too slow and you land on your face to the floor, and of course, it is filmed by the camera crew and is showed on the big screens above our heads and behind the band. The crowd laughs at your face plant and you can see the security guard reaching a hand out for you to grab to get pulled up.

You quickly rise to your feet without his help and he gives you a nod before he escorts you up on stage, the whole time you’re looking at your feet and try to force the blush to disappear from your face.

“Hey there, quite the performance.” Michael greets you with a snappy comment and a big smile, you smile back and the blush is covering your entire body in flames.  
“Well, thank you. We aim to please” you smile and meet his greeting.

“What’s your name, sweetheart?” Luke asks, as he walks towards you, Michael reaches out to put his microphone in front of your face.

“I’m Molly” you answer his question.

“That was quite the face plant you did there, are you okay? You hear Calum ask from the other side of the stage.

“I am quite alright, thank you. I’m living the dream,” you tell him and the crowd cheers.

Luke and Michael starts talking about whose guitar you are going to play on.

“Well since you are the one who likes brunette I say she gets to play your guitar” Luke says. Michael starts to pull the shoulder strap of his guitar over his head to quickly place it over yours. You feel the weight of the guitar; you didn’t expect it to be so heavy.

“I cant play” You say as you look up into Luke’s eyes, they are really an exceptional shade of baby blue, you can se his mouth move to form words but you get distracted by the way his lip ring moves when he talks, and the screams of the crowd is really deafening.

“Hello, Molly… can’t you hear me?” Luke says and looks at you with concern, “did you hit your head or something? You seem a little out of it”.

“No I’m fine, you are just so distracting up close.” You hear yourself say and the crowd cheers even louder, a few wolf whistles can be heard too. You turn into an even darker shade of red as your blush is once again reminding you of that you talking to a star, a musical genius.

“So you can’t play a guitar, Michael, help her” Luke orders, a smile on his lips and the faint evidence of a blush on his cheeks.

You hear Michael let out a chuckle and walks over to stand right behind you. He places his hands over yours and apply pressure to your right hand, to press down on the right strings on the fret board, the other take a hold of your left wrist and drags it over the strings at the body of the guitar and it makes a sound. He does that two more times before taking a step back, and you release a breath you didn’t know you were holding.

“Now you can play like us, you’re a professional” he says and walks over to Calum.

As Michael walk away Luke takes his place,

“I can teach you better then Mikey.” He says before arranging your fingers to make a different accord. This one sounds totally different and you think you’re about to pass out from the experience of having two of the band members so close to you.

“Well first, you can’t have a hoodie with long sleeves, the sleeves makes it hard to move your fingers” Luke says before he starts to tug your sleeves up your arm. You panic and move to pull them down again, but the damage is already done. He saw your cuts, the white scars and the angry, fresh red cuts from last night. He immediately releases your arm and steps back. Michael gives him a worried look that Luke doesn’t answer with more then a shake of his head and a sad look on his face. I don’t know how they communicate but Michel nods in agreement and Luke steps once again up against your back to whisper in your ear:

“Go give Michael an Calum a hug and catch the drumstick Ashton will throw you. Then leave the stage and meet us backstage after the concert, a security guard will escort you.” Then he steps back and lifts the guitar’s shoulder strap over your head.


	2. Chapter 2

You feel numb inside as you plaster a smile on your face and walk towards Michael to get a hug goodbye. And then you quickly walk over towards Calum and get a hug there as well, but this is a longer hug, and you whisper into his ear:

“You are my favourite” and then you let him go, a big smile sets on his face. You smile back and walks towards the middle to catch the signed drumstick Ashton throws you, and then gets escorted off the stage by security, when you pass Luke he is just staring at you with a puzzled look on his face. 

The rest of the concert continues like that, Calum is the happy puppy he always is, Michael is a bit curious about what Luke said to you and Ashton has no idea what’s going on. Luke is a bit reserved and its clear that he has his mind on other things then the concert. 

Everyone is looking at you, and whispers go around the arena, but no one asks. You just hope the camera wasn’t there to film your incident, not the face plant, but the cuts. The secret you haven’t told anyone, literally, no one knows.

When the show is over and they have run out twice before coming back again and thanking the audience for being so awesome, and then running back stage to get on their tour bus to leave the arena, everyone starts to make their way towards the exits, high on adrenalin and the experience of the 5sos concert. 

You see a security guard standing at the very same place that you got over the fence to go on stage, you walk over to him and he just moves the fence to make a small space for you to slink between the bars and he puts a hand at the small of your back to guide you backstage. You keep on walking for what seems like hours but is not more then thirty seconds. And then you are outside and a big black bus I blocking the view. He makes a gesture for you to get on it and you hesitantly walk for the open door.

Inside there are black leather sofas and armchairs, probably the kind that gives you a back massage, you turn around when you hear the guard clear his throat. 

“The boys will be with you shortly,” that’s all he says before turning around on his heels heading back into the arena. You take a seat on one of the black leather sofas and continue to study the tour bus. At the front of the bus, there are four sleeping bunks with curtains closed and a door that probably leads to the chauffer and an emergency exit. At the end of the bus there is a big window with tinted glass, another black sofa is standing there. 

You’re thinking of moving to sit there when you hear voices outside coming closer. 

“Are you sure about this Luke?” you think its Ashton’s voice, “You cant just take a fan you like and put her in the bus like your personal lost puppy” he doesn’t get an answer and you can hear he is starting to get annoyed. 

“Luke, answer me!” He almost screams, “What’s going on?” 

“She cuts, okay! I saw her cuts on stage, when I tried to pull her sleeves up. And I can’t have that around me” Luke answers. 

“Okay, but if you can’t have that around you, why is she waiting in the bus?” you think its Calum’s voice.

“She can hear you, okay, she is like 10 feet away from us” Michael chimes in. 

“I don’t care, just trust me” Luke says and you can se them stepping into the bus and sees you sitting there. 

You awkwardly stand up and try to say something, anything at all, that you overheard their conversation, that you should leave, but no words leave your mouth. When you lock eyes with Luke, his baby blue marbles are now wet and red-rimmed; it looks like he has been crying. The chock of realising that he might have been crying over you, over your cuts is far too unlikely to be real, that shit only happened in romantic movies. But before you get a word out of your mouth he closes the space between you with just two steps of his long legs before closing you into a hug. You just stand there chocked until you feel the tears burning behind your eyelids and you close your eyes just hugging him tightly. You cant se what’s happening but soon there is another pair of arms around you and someone is pressed against your back. You look up to see the four Australian boys surround you. Luke looks up at you and for the first time since you got on the bus, you can finally find the words to put into sentences to flow out of your mouth. 

“What was that for?” you ask quietly, like you didn’t already know. You don’t get your answer straight away; you feel the strong arms around you loosen up as they let you out of the hug. Luke doesn’t step back though. He just grabs the towel around Ashton’s shoulders and starts wiping up and down on the inside of his forearms. You realise that he is wiping away make-up and when he finally takes the towel away, you can se the scars on his arms, just like yours, but the only difference is that his are all healed. 

“Oh shit” Ashton’s reaction is priceless. “Luke, what are you doing? You can’t just do that, she’ll tell the press, and we all will get burned” 

“No, she wont” Calum is calm and steps closer to you, he doesn’t say anything else after that. Just looks into your eyes and closes you into another hug. 

“Why?” he mumbles against your neck. You know that this is fucked up, they don’t do stuff like this, hugging fans, yes. But not in the tour-bus, after a concert. 

There is a loud knock on the window, 

“We are ready to roll” someone says. You start to move to get out of Calum’s embrace, but he won’t let you go.   
“No, you stay here, we are not done yet” he says and you stop struggling to get out of his arms. 

“She should probably call her parents, we don’t want them to think we kidnapped her” Michael points out. Luke has still not said anything; he has just put on a hoodie like you to cover up the scars. 

“I live alone, I came here on my own. I don’t have anyone to call,” you answer into Calum’s neck. 

“You want on a concert alone?” Ashton says, still a bit angry, but if it is with Luke, or me I can’t tell. 

“It was your concert, I wouldn’t miss it for the world” you say and your cheeks get warm with blush once again, you hide your red, hot face against Calum’s neck, still a bit baffled over that he hasn’t let you go yet. He just stands there, slowly breathing, you can feel his heartbeat against your chest, and it’s the most calming sound or feeling you have ever known. If you only had this during all the panic attacks and depression over the years. You promise yourself to remember this forever. 

“Okay, but you should know this is some fucked up shit man,” Ashton says. You are a bit confused, in all the interviews, Ashton have always seemed so nice. Sassy, but still nice. You just don’t understand where this hostility comes from, but though, you don’t know the boys, you just know what others have said. Ashton rolls his eyes and stamps away, throwing himself into the top bunk at the front of the bus and closes the curtains.

“Ash…” Michael starts but Luke cuts him of with his first words for the night, 

“Just let him be, man. He will get out of it eventually” Ha says and then turns to you. “ I’m so sorry for doing this, for putting you in this situation. But I didn’t know what to do. I panicked” 

You slowly back out of Calum’s embrace and steps over to Luke.

“I don’t know why you did this,” you say and lifts your hand to slowly drag it down his arm, “you don’t know why I did this,” you say and gestures towards your own. “We can either sit and talk about this, which I guess was you intention when you told me to come here, or you can open the door, and I will not bother you again, your secret is safe with me. I wouldn’t want anyone to tell on me so I wont tell on you.” You finish your little speech and take a step back. 

You can see tears starting to pool in his eyes and you lift your hand once again to slowly put it against his cheek, slowly… to give him the chance to pull away. But he doesn’t, and leans into the touch, heavy tears escaping from the corners of his eyes. 

You wipe the tears away with your thumb and slowly turn around to face Michael and Calum, 

“Would you mind giving us some privacy?” you ask, and they both quickly nod,  
“I’ve got to a new boss on Pokémon, you want to se me beat him?” Michael says, not waiting for an answer as he pushes Calum towards the bed bunks. Calum just looks at you with eyes full of emotions. 

You slowly led Luke towards the sofa at the back end of the now moving bus. You both sit down and Luke leans into your shoulder, body shaking with loud sobs. 

“Okay, babe… you want to talk about it? Tell me why you did it? It really helps.” You say, putting your arms around his shoulders. He buries his face in the excess fabric of your hoodie. You sit like that for a moment, and you start to say something else when you feel Luke gasping for breath to start his story

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still dont really know where to go with this, give me insp.


	3. Chapter 3

You sit there for what feels like hours, in fact, you sit there for hours. When Luke started talking, the words flowed from his lips like a waterfall. He eventually stopped crying, his cheeks going stiff from dried tears. Now he was just sitting next to you, leaning against your chest and told you everything, about the bullies during middle - and high school, about the anxiety, depression, eating disorders and the selfharm. How he was a chubby kid, you already knew this; you have seen the pictures that regularly appeared on your dashboard on tumblr, how posting covers on youtube helped with his self-esteem. How all the comments would make him feel better about himself. How proud his mum was over him. But he also told you about the hate that made your heart break. 

He told you about the first time he threw up after dinner, about all the thoughts running through his head as the food left his body. He told you about how he felt ugly, disgusting and how he thought everyone looked at him disappointed and disgusted. How he pushed everyone away, his best friend Calum, how he would go weeks without talking to anyone. 

Until this one day when the kid he hated more then life, Michael, came up to him and asked if he could join doing the covers on his youtube-channel. He told you how shocked he was about Michael coming up to talk to him. And after they how Calum came back and joined the band as well. It’s not like the story everyone heard. The official one. 

He told you that you cant tell anyone about this. That even his parents didn’t know. And he tells you about how Michael reacted when he caught him slicing up his skin one night, the screams and the tears. How he sat in Michael’s arms on the bathroom floor the entire night crying. And how Michael just held him, not asking any questions until Luke told him the answers. How Michael convinced him to flush the razors down in the toilet and how he told Calum about all this. And how Calum had totally lost it and just cried and cried, thinking he abandoned Luke when he had needed him the most. How after that night everything changed. How he started to get back to his old self. He stopped loosing weight and almost stopped with the cutting. And he told you that every time he slipped up, every time the urge to cut and watch the blood flow from his arm down in the sink became too much. Michael and Calum would just hold him through the night. And how Ashton joined the band as was and became very protective about Luke when he found out. Luke just talked for hours. 

When Luke was finished with his story, he just stayed there, pressed against your body and you felt how his breathing became steadier in his sleep. You didn’t dare to move. Not even when Calum and Michael came back from the bunks with questioning looks. 

“He did tell you everything, didn’t he?” Michael says.  
“Yes”, you answer, “His version in very different from the public one”


End file.
